No Regrets

 “Children are a gift from God, offspring a reward from Him." ~ Psalm 127:3

Katelyn found out she was pregnant after taking a home pregnancy test in her office bathroom.  It came as a lovely surprise (emphasis on surprise). While she and Erik wanted to have children eventually, they agreed to wait until they were in their 30s.

When she started telling friends, they responded by asking one of 2 questions: “Was it planned?” (No), or “Are you going to get an abortion?” (Hell, no!). Then she giggled almost apologetically as if she’d just told a bad joke.

“Don’t you think you’re too young to have a kid?” her friends would ask. “Don’t you want to enjoy your 20s?” “Aren’t you worried about your career?” Yet the message was consistent: At her age, having a baby would be, at the very least, harmful to her career, and at worst, a regression on behalf of her entire gender.

Katelyn found the responses shocking. She wasn’t a teenager or a heroin addict; she wasn’t unemployed or homeless. She was a 25-year-old, happily married wife, with a decent job and a steady source of income. There was no reason for anyone to think she was an unsuitable candidate for motherhood. The idea that she couldn’t be a mother without sacrificing ambition was obsolete.

Katelyn’s life would soon be defined by both womanhood and by motherhood. Feeling a little person grow within her and raising them to become independent – became the utmost privilege and the greatest challenge.

Looking back, now a 34 -year-old Mom to four beautiful children, there were admittedly a few regret-filled times in the past when Katelyn doubted herself and her decision.

As first-time parents, they wondered if they were ready. They were nervous that they wouldn’t know what to do when something happened. They worried that they’d make so many mistakes that their kids would be messed-up beyond repair.

And by God’s grace, they made it work. His goodness brought them to their knees. But nobody, including all the naysayers, anticipated that at age 35, Katelyn would be diagnosed with a rare fallopian tube infection, requiring a full hysterectomy.

Now when people say she looks too young to have four kids, Katelyn feels incredibly blessed.

While the Bible wasn't primarily written as a how-to guide for raising children, it has plenty to say on the subject. Time and again, the Bible urges parents to do 3 things: treasure their children, (Colossians 3:21); teach and correct them (Deuteronomy 6:7); and model for them how to live righteously (Titus 2:7-8).

Even though God gave us wisdom about parenting, we all sometimes fail. Thankfully we have the most powerful tool in our back pockets: God’s grace. And because we know God’s grace so personally, we seek to extend that same grace to our children when they fail.  

Father God, You have blessed us with the joy and care of children.  Let our parenting be filled with God’s grace, love, and forgiveness as we treasure, teach, and model righteous living for Your children. Amen

The Importance of Stepping Up

 “Always set a good example by doing what’s good, with integrity and sincerity." ~ Titus 2:7

There’s something beautiful about the relationship between fathers and daughters. Dads seem good at things like riding bikes, fixing things, and reading scary bedtime stories. Many fathers walk the extra mile to spend time with their daughters, like doing tea parties, shopping, and even taking them to a dance and make them feel special.

Sadly, not every girl gets to know what it’s like to have a loving dad around, as was the case for    7-year-old Skylar. For the second year in a row, her estranged father had promised to take her to the community’s Daddy-Daughter Dance. Last year he failed to show. She hoped this year would be different.

In the days leading up to the dance, he was all Skylar could talk about. She wanted everyone to know that she actually had a dad in her life.  

But Mom grew increasingly nervous. Just days before the dance, Skylar’s father stopped taking her phone calls.  It seemed apparent he’d miss the dance for a second time, so she shared her skeptical thoughts with Skylar.

To say that the child was devastated by the news would be like describing a tsunami as “a little more rain than usual.” Sadness drained from her every pore; perhaps a chance to filter what was hurting and what was helping.

Skylar’s 11-year-old brother Christian knew the feeling all too well. He’d been let down by the same man also. Caring for his little sister’s tender feelings AND his Mom’s emotional state had often fallen on his shoulders.

The big brother stepped up by offering to escort Skylar to the dance. He wanted his sister to know that she deserves a man that keeps his word and makes her feel special.

They scrambled to buy Christian a suit to match his sister’s dress. Sure enough, dad missed out!  Skylar’s disappointment quickly turned to elation. Mom cried knowing that she was “raising some woman a GREAT HUSBAND one day!!”

Indeed, Mom is nurturing a thoughtful young man. And Skylar will forever know that her brother has her back. No doubt Christian will grow up to be a kind man - and an amazing father! He’s already proved himself to be one of the world’s best friends. His heart of gold proves he's a man of compassion and sincerity.

Father figures don’t have to be biological fathers or dads who are always physically present to have a positive impact on girls. They can be any father- figure that’s emotionally invested and active in their lives – at every stage of development. 

Daughters who have strong relationships with their father or a father-figure are known to get better grades, make more money, and be emotionally resilient as adults.

Father God, “bless the men, that they may find strength as fathers and mentors.  Let the example of their faith and love shine forth.  Grant that we, their sons and daughters, may honor them always with a spirit of profound respect.” ~ Unknown

As the Waves Roll In

 “Anyone who believes in God shall not perish but have eternal life." ~ John 3:16

Aaron (6) watched the sea, lost in the rhythmic percussion of waves pounding sand. His eyes locked steadily on the horizon, face aglow from the sun’s warmth. His lips revealed a quizzical look, just enough to show that he was preoccupied with his thoughts, whatever they may be.

His mother, Lucy, moved closer so that he felt her presence, yet stayed quiet, allowing him to stay lost in the ponderous moment a while longer. Another homeschooling journey - learning through study, reading books together, taking long nature walks, and getting messy fingers in a myriad of hands-on activities.

After her husband (Aaron’s father) left, homeschooling brought them closer. Today they did math first thing while brains were still fresh. Then mixed ingredients for bread, doing 5 ten-minute exercise videos between kneading the dough. It rose while they headed for a short walk to the beach to gather inspiration for things she wanted him to write, draw or ask questions about later.

“Aaron,” she began, “did you know that over half the oxygen we breathe comes from the ocean? Small marine plants produce oxygen that enters our atmosphere. That may help explain why we breathe better when we’re near the sea.”

“When we visit the ocean,” Lucy continued, “we use all 5 of our senses.  Seeing the ocean’s blue/grey color gives us a sense of calm. Your sense of smell is stimulated when your lungs expand, absorbing the scent of salt water. We can also taste the briny sea.”

“I especially love hearing the waves crash against the shore. Finally, the sense of touch. When we’re in the water, we give up gravity and our bodies relax. We feel refreshed and renewed. The ocean is kinda like medicine,” Lucy concluded.

“What are your thoughts, Aaron,” she asked her young son, still nursing his own thoughts.

His face twisted into something mournful. “It’s kinda sad,” he said. “The waves seem to enjoy themselves, bouncing along in the deep blue water - skipping, dancing, and splashing - over and over until they crash into the shoreline. Then they die into nothing.”

“Oh no,” said his mother. “They’re not just a single wave; they are part of the ocean. Like you Aaron, you are not just a boy, you are a child of God, part of His Kingdom. It’s not only a place, but it is Jesus ruling in the hearts of all who love him. When we trust in God, the Bible says we will not die. All of us will live eternally, in God's presence.”

They returned hungry, shaped the bread, put it in the oven, and soon feasted on the world’s best snack. Another lesson … another memory.

Heavenly Father, please forgive me. I believe Your Son died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead so that I might have eternal life. Come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. I willingly give You my life to do your will. Amen

The Final Goodbye

 “He is ‘The Rock!’  His work is perfect, all His ways are just." ~ Deuteronomy 32:4

Joseph Torrez always dreamed of being a father.  He wished for a son with every coin he tossed in a fountain and every candle he lit at church.  Active, disciplined, and empowering would define his parenting – just like his own Dad.  To watch a child spread his wings, make the right choices, and strive to make the world a better place would be Joseph’s finest achievement, he imagined.

It surprised no one that his newborn son, Rowan, made Joseph’s life worth living by just being near him.  He immediately became the sunshine in his day, the joy in his soul, and the most important mark he would ever leave on this world.

He made the tough decision to temporarily leave his family behind in Colorado when he joined the Navy while concurrently earning two Masters’s degrees from MIT in Boston.  It took hard work, dedication, and sacrifice, all to better provide for his small family.

Although Torrez often drove from New England to see Rowan during their separation, he often sent the young toddler colorful postcards to stay in touch.  Paper mail rather than a text - something more permanent, easy to collect, or simply display on the refrigerator.

Rowan’s life changed forever in March of 2013 when Commander Torrez passed away from a rare neurological disorder.  The speed of the disease prevented the young boy from seeing his father before he died; there was no final goodbye from his Dad.

Until one week before the anniversary of Joseph’s death.

That’s when Rowan, now ten years old, received something incredible in the mail - a postcard dated almost eight years after his Dad had written it and nearly two years after he died.  They say the best gifts come in small packages, and this one was truly special.

The postcard had been mysteriously delayed for years, but it came right on time for Rowan.  Despite its long journey, (giving new meaning to snail mail), it arrived in near-pristine condition.  

"Hello from Pennsylvania,” the postcard read. “I love you and I miss you so much.  See you soon. Love, Daddy."  No sappy “Having a great time, wish you were here” message.  It couldn’t have been more perfect communicating what he’d never been allowed to say to his son.

For Rowan, it was as if a wrong has been righted.  His Dad had found a way to be in touch.  The boy added it to his collection of memorabilia – Joseph’s Navy cap, shoulder boards, medals, and several other treasured postcards.

Just because God seems silent doesn’t mean we should doubt Him.  His silence is an invitation to forge ahead and seek Him more diligently.

Our Father, our refuge in the storms of life, we thank you for your protection.  Teach us to call on You when we feel overwhelmed.  Like the open cactus flower leaning against the stones, help us to lean on You.  You are our ‘Rock” when we are lost, afraid, lonely, and confused.  Amen

Angels in Blue

 “Take up your cross and follow Me." ~ Luke 9:23

In the sky over Dayton’s airport, six Boeing F/A-18 Super Hornets fly in formation so close together they appear to be one. For more than 75 years, the Navy’s Blue Angels have been defying gravity with aerial precision while inspiring a culture of excellence and service to country.

The Top Gun stereotype was born on the back of a motorcycle when a secretive naval aviation school made its Hollywood debut in 1986. But the real pilots are anything but “mavericks.” These highly-skilled men and women describe themselves using 3 words – humble, reliable, and credible.  

This school doesn’t accept aviators with an ego, or those who fly with a death wish. They don’t fly to break the rules, but to define them for the rest of the fleet. Some will go on to become elite members of the Blue Angels demonstration team.

Blue Angel pilots place their lives in the hands of their team members, trusting that the lead pilot is traveling at precisely the correct speed and trajectory. Wing pilots surrender any desire to switch directions or question their leader’s path. Instead, they get in formation and follow precisely. Their lives are also in the hands of the crew that checked their engines and landing gear, ensuring that everything works the way it should! 

During performances, Blue Angels maneuver as close as 18 inches apart while flying at near Mach 1 700 mph speeds. Achieving this level of trust isn’t easy, sharing a set of common values that bind them together in life and death!

Although they routinely pull 7 Gs and sometimes more, they cannot wear compression suits due to the nature of their job. G-suits suits would interfere with their ability to control the flight stick that moves them into tight formations. 

The Blue Angels team puts in thousands of practice hours together to achieve flawless performances. Every pilot is accountable for keeping their skills up to date. There are no spare pilots - a substitute would never get enough time in the formation to do so safely.

The death of 27 Blue Angel pilots since 1946 in training or airshows serves as a constant reminder of the danger that they face every time they take to the sky. High-performance standards are not optional; they are a survival necessity.

It’s no different for us Christians. His path was one of self-denial and suffering, which can be hard to follow. But to be effective disciples, two things stand out immediately: understanding and obeying His teaching and following His example. We are invited to put aside selfish desires and pick up spiritual burdens daily – being humble, certain, and deliberate. And finally … staying close enough that we can appear with Christ as one.  

Father God, I am a work in progress. My spiritual transformation will take the rest of my life. Please guide me on a path of righteousness, according to Your will and glory. Shape me, mold me, use me and fill me each day to become more like You. Amen

12 Steps

 “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~ Romans 5:8

The writing assignment was meant to encourage courage and self-discovery.  She chose to attend an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting to gain insights into the world of drunks and destitutes.

Its setup was like every other AA meeting.  Folding chairs in a large circle, the Serenity Prayer in a picture frame on a table full of pamphlets with titles like “A Newcomer Asks” and “12 Traditions.”

She took an empty chair.  A quick glance around the room told her that she wasn’t paranoid, that curious eyes stared at her.  Maybe because she was new, or because she was so young, or perhaps because she looked terrified.

They recited the Serenity Prayer.  When it was her turn, she said, almost inaudibly, “I’m Calle, I’m a teen alcoholic.”  The group responded with the proverbial “Hi Calle!”

She took a breath before wading in.  She’d spent hours prepping the story before the meeting.    Raised in a very religious family, rebelled after high school, estranged from her family, lost all her friends, then made new ones on the street.  Found solace at the bottom of a bottle.  Did whatever she could to make money for booze, got busted, and “Here I am.”

She let her shoulders slump from the weight of her imaginary confession.  Then listened. The worst story was from a man who woke up in his own vomit, then ate it for the alcohol content.

On her way home, Calle tried to process all she’d heard.  They were all sad tales of broken homes, promises, and lives.

Members encouraged one another to share their feelings and experiences with addiction as they worked through each step of a 12 Step Process.  Its goal was to help members make the personal changes needed to overcome addiction.  Programs differ slightly, but some common steps include:

Admit powerlessness in control of addiction

Recognize a power greater than ourselves can give strength

Take an inventory and examine past mistakes

Make amends for wrongdoings

Commit to living a new way of life

Carry this message forward and help others

They begin with an admission of human shortcomings and a profession of faith in God’s power, love, and forgiveness. They’re rooted in the larger ideas of faith, honesty, humility, repentance, and commitment.

Such is the struggle of an alcoholic, Calle reasoned.  But the experience of weakness in the face of addiction is universal - whether it be cellphones, clothing, material possessions, pornography, gaming, drugs, or simply powerlessness over our human failings.

The 12 steps program uses Christian-based methods to heal those who suffer from anything that separates them from God and hinders their lives.  There is hope that comes with complete surrender to God the Father, utter reliance upon Jesus, and the sanctification of the Holy Spirit.

Nothing prevents us from all following the 12-Step Improvement Process for our lives.

Father God, “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”  Amen ~ (Serenity Prayer)

A New Dawn

 “If anyone is in Christ, their old life is gone; a new life emerges." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

Impulsively, Jerrod and his wife decided, just once, to spend New Year’s Eve ’23 in Times Square.

They weren’t daring enough to stand outside in the freezing cold for more than 12 hours without bathroom breaks. So, they booked a Marriot package that included dinner in a room overlooking the Square where the Ball would drop.  

Originally made of wood and iron, the current Ball’s geodesic sphere measures 12 feet in diameter and weighs nearly 5 tons. Its 672 LED modules display a palette of more than 16 million colors and billions of patterns, creating a spectacular kaleidoscope effect.

The Ball began its descent 60 seconds before the main event. At exactly midnight, its lights burst to life as "2023" shone high above Times Square. A blizzard of colorful confetti rained down from surrounding rooftops.  Shivering revelers welcomed the new year with a barrage of pyrotechnics, singing, dancing, and celebrating the time of their lives.

The next morning, Jerrod and Julia walked to the subway to head back home. The atmosphere was ghostly. Just hours after a million people had crammed into Times Square, hundreds of sanitation officials had worked all night clearing the streets of millions of pieces of confetti, trash, and discarded novelty-themed items.

Everything appeared back to normal. Traffic flowed as if last night’s pandemonium never occurred.

We see our lives differently each January 1^st almost as if we’re starting over with a clean slate. Street sweepers let us begin a new book, its content yet unwritten.

It’s a new dawn, everything is possible. Every calendar page is blank. Every diet is successful. Every closet can be reorganized. Every failure can be corrected.

A happy new year is partly about turning a fresh new page in life and mostly a journey of gratitude for all goodness that had been bestowed the previous years. It’s a welcoming of new fortunes and fortitude to meet challenges with grace and a loving heart.

It’s customary on this day to draw up resolutions – to make promises that probably won’t last until February if they even make it to the end of this week.

Let’s make 2023 a new beginning born of the Holy Spirit. Resolve to dwell in possibilities, to see every day, not just this one, as a fresh beginning. Resolve to welcome every blank page, every new start, with trust that God will see you through it – and then reflect on it in your heart.

Find new solutions and see how your actions beam outward into the world. We can't change how others’ actions radiate toward us.  We can only try to become the best possible role model of benevolence and compassion, hoping that in time our world improves.

Almighty God, thank You that You are with me, that You are in me. Thank You for new beginnings. This year, open my heart so that I can hear You and enjoy You every single moment of 2023. Amen