“Keep on loving one another as brothers and
sisters.” ~ Hebrews 13:1
WARNING:
This may be painful to read. But, if you know someone who’s dealing with their
child’s addiction, this letter might help. When we shift our behavior as
parents, it changes our kids’ behavior - even when they’re 40-year-old adults.
Dear Son:
I’m writing again to
ensure there’s no confusion about what I’m about to say.
I’ve never wavered in
my love for you, or in my willingness to do whatever for your health and safety.
Your addiction is painful for me to believe and admit. I can no longer look the
other way, hoping things will improve for you as long as you continue drinking.
Life’s messy,
especially when you’re struggling with addiction. When you’re willing to
acknowledge all you’ve lost and accept the truth of how alcohol has destroyed
your life, I know you have the strength to reclaim your life. But you’ll need
help. So, you have two options:
1. Quit drinking and do
whatever’s needed to take back control of your life; or
2. Continue feeding your
addiction until it eventually takes your life.
If you choose to quit
drinking, I’ll support you with either of these choices:
Participation in a Residential Treatment Program where you’ll live for 90 days and find help and support from people who know the difficulties of alcoholism and are themselves struggling toward sobriety.
Continue living at the
house your Mom and I bought for you so long as you stop drinking. This won’t be
business as usual. You must agree to meet weekly with a skilled addiction
counselor. She’ll recommend a doctor for a complete physical exam and who will
care for your medical needs and conduct random alcohol tests.
You will attend AA
meetings 2x a week with a sponsor of your choosing, and 2x a week on your own.
We’ll monitor your attendance to all of the above.
If you refuse to
stop drinking, you can remain in your home doing whatever you do there:
smoke, drink, and talk to yourself. It is only a matter of time before you’ll
be hospitalized (again) or in jail. You will no longer be welcome in our home.
I’ll never give up on
you or stop loving you, but at our age, your Mom and I can no longer tolerate
the stress of living with constant fear and worry. It’s not our illness, but its
effects are shared. We hide what we’re feeling. We hide the truth from those
around us. We both suffer the shame and carry the blame.
We pray you’ll take this opportunity to seek help and begin
the journey toward health and sobriety. When that day comes, we’ll celebrate
together! And until that day, we pray that somehow you know that we both love
you more than you could possibly understand.
Love, Dad
Father
God, thank You for loving us perfectly despite our failures and those of our
children. Remind us that addictions can be healed. Surround us with qualified
and godly people to help us live with sobriety. Amen
