“Now that we’ve been put right with God through faith, we
have peace." ~ Romans 5:1
Jolene’s master controlled every aspect of her body, soul and mind for
decades. She’d do anything to get to him; lie, steal, cheat. No one embodied the extremes more. She loved the energy and happiness he brought; separation caused intense
physical longing.
Reunions made everything whole again; the world became
whimsical and perfect. He was all Jolene ever craved needed. He
was her addiction. Her drug of choice
was anything she could get her hands on.
Until 9 years ago when Jolene was arrested on a 3-strikes-bust for criminal
possession – a death sentence of sorts in California.
She lives in an unforgiving cell now, with only an
occasional insect for company. Its
creaky bed and a springy mattress hold nothing more than the decaying human
minds within it.
Prison life hardened Jolene.
Her self-hatred frequently erupted in revenge and violence. Younger inmates were particularly vulnerable. A so-called “Tank Boss,” Jolene’s controlling
nature provided an example of what evil women can achieve behind bars.
Today’s ‘victim’ looked terrified. Her skin was sickly; pallid and stretched
over her stark bones. Sadness sat an
inch below her face, eyes remained dry, expression impassive. She feared that if she even let out a fraction
the rest would follow; a boundless flood of remorse.
Something about this girl looked painfully familiar to
Jolene; maybe a vision of herself 25 years ago.
Or could this be her own flesh and blood – the child she abandoned when
she chose drugs over her own kid? What a
terrible Mom she’d been – she deserved prison.
No, of course not!
Her daughter and two sons had been taken from her and placed
in a lovely foster home. With any luck,
her children forgot about her long ago.
But the delusion seemed to gain traction, like an IndyCar racing
slick on dry pavement. Something clicked
. . . something that would change her life forever. After befriending that young mother, Jolene
knew she was being called to a ministry she couldn’t ignore.
So after a lifetime mostly high (even behind walls), Jolene became
somewhat of a ‘Jail Mom.’ No more
violence, no more hatred, no domination of weaker inmates. She spends her days trying to coax younger
inmates out of the “game” before they fall too deep, before it’s too late,
using her own wasted life as a cautionary tale.
She sees her new role as a step towards recovery, maybe even
redemption.
When God forgives, our sins will never again be held against
us. Is your standard of forgiving higher
than Gods? To believe that we can be
forgiven by God but not forgive ourselves makes God a liar. Hmm?
