“Answering before listening is both stupid and rude." ~ Proverbs
18:13
Meghna passed away yesterday. Her age and the details of her death aren’t
important; she’d prefer you know how she lived.
You would’ve liked her, most
people did. People often described Meghna
as “charismatic” and “articulate,” adjectives often reserved for great leaders
and eloquent speakers. She had a special
gift – but not the one most often credited to her.
It didn’t matter who you were. Meghna always had a way of relating to you
because, in a way, she’d been there with you all along. She could think like you, so she understood
you. And all because she sought to
understand your message – not just heard the words you spoke. After spending even a brief period of time
with her, you’d catch yourself smiling and thinking about how the world needs
more people like her.
She told stories - lots of stories that contained beautiful,
subtle insights and wisdom. Here’s one
of the last she told me before she died.
Many years ago I got invited to a friend’s party for her
coworkers. Not knowing a single
attendee, my anxiety swelled as the party drew near. I was in-between jobs at the time and had
little to impress these aspiring business leaders.
Instead of trying to impress
anyone, I decided to spend the evening simply listening to them and summarizing
what they’d just said. That night I listened
carefully to everyone, responding with phrases like, “I understand what you’re
saying, you feel strongly that. . .” and “Interesting, let me see if I
understand what you mean …” I avoided expressing
my own opinions, even though at times it meant biting my tongue to keep from
doing so.
I discovered that no one noticed or mentioned the fact that I was just
listening. Each person seemed content to
talk without interruption. After the
guests left, my friend (the party’s host) told me that a number of people had
made a point of telling her what a remarkable person I was. Words like “magnetic, articulate, empathetic”
were used to describe me even though I was a perfect stranger who rarely spoke.
Meghna’s final story continues to
make me think … seldom do we stop just to witness, to observe, to
comprehend. Yet the power of everyday
interactions is much greater than we suspect.
We have the power to offer profound healing, comfort, and affirmation,
or to create deep wounds. And all of
this depends on one crucial skill: listening.
Could it be that charisma and
brilliance have as much to do with how we listen as what we say? Imagine a
world where people actually listen to one another, rather than just waiting for
the other people to stop talking so they can offer their opinion.
Father God, help me become a much more engaged, attentive
listener. Help me hear what people are
meaning to say, not what interpretation I place on their words. Help me to listen with my heart, not just with
my ears. Amen
