“God’s Spirit gives us power, love, and
self-control." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7
I was always a quiet child. I grew up in a rich suburban neighborhood
with my single Mom and sister. My life
was pretty ordinary . . . until the
bullying started. It didn’t bother me at
first, until my friends started getting bullied for hangin’ out with me. The girls that I used to invite over to
my house to share our deepest secrets deserted me.
I didn’t blame them! It’s
hard when kids relentlessly tease you. I
tried to defend myself - which only made matters worse. From the color of my hair, to the clothes I
wore – nothing seemed off limits. They found
it reassuring to humiliate me.
I woke every morning terrified - afraid of their cruelty, afraid
that I’d give up on myself . . . or maybe give up on life. I walked those halls with my head down hoping
no one would notice me. But I was never
able to block out the insults.
I tried speaking to my ‘Guidance’ counselor. She gave me useless advice and suggested I was
simply trying to avoid class. With no
help from authority, I started acting out. I began experimenting with drugs and
alcohol. My every misstep was dissected
for the pleasure of my school.
Eventually, I stopped going at all. I began to abuse my body and attempted suicide
for the first time. After my treatment I
returned to school with newfound confidence, determined not to let them bother
me. Big mistake!
High school hides no secrets.
Everyone had heard about the incident and stepped up my persecution in
person and over the internet. I’d never
felt so helpless. I burned my flesh and
picked at my skin until it bled. All the
while they enjoyed my pain. I missed so
much school, they wouldn't allow me back.
Why me? Why not them? I asked for help, I was yelling at the top of
my lungs but nobody heard me! Or maybe
they could and just didn't want to get involved. Why didn’t my teachers ask why I kept leaving
school? Why I’d become so isolated? Why I kept hurting myself?
Mercifully it’s over now. The
good Lord didn’t prevent my last suicide attempt; I finally succeeded at
something! But not a day goes by that I
don’t wish I could have another chance. I
gave them complete power over me; I allowed them to push me away from my
education. If I could speak to those
girls now, I’d tell them how it affected me, and then I’d forgive them.
Sweet Jesus, You knew how it felt to be teased and ridiculed because You were
“different.” Please forgive us and help
us change our behavior. Help us to
remember that when we hurt another with our words or actions, we’re hurting you,
Lord. Amen
