“God blesses and comforts all who mourn." ~ Matthew
5:4
He’d held the hands of
parishioners as they died, baptized stillborn infants, helped families decide
when to disconnect life-support systems and worked with parents whose children
were murdered. Each of those experiences
was painful. Nevertheless, at the moment
his young daughter died in a horrific car accident, one that he could have
avoided had he not been in such a hurry, did he truly understand heartbreak
like no other - intense, inflated, and permanent.
To make the unbearable even worse, she died on Father’s
Day. He’d forever remember that day as
the one in which his life came to a standstill.
Life would never be the same!
So many things became less important – his job, his
possessions, his future. Everything
except those he loved; their importance in his life took center stage.
Still he felt extreme loneliness – detached from all those
happy people enjoying children the same age as Tori was, or would have
been. Her death marked the loss of
innocence, the future, of hopes and dreams, of perfection.
At first it was different because of the raw sadness. But over time, the sadness moved from his
skin to his bones; less visible but forever etched just below the surface of
his consciousness.
Weeks without peaceful slumber left him shattered and
exhausted. Mercifully, Jacob tumbled
into bed and surrendered to sleep this night.
Slowly his brain let go. He
entered the surreal universe where dreams cleanse, soothe and balance one’s
soul.
At first, the lazy fog hung in
the air, obscuring his view of a winged figure.
As the mist cleared, a small girl emerged, long flowing hair,
cobalt-blue eyes, engaging smile. She
stumbled forward, struggling with the weight of two large oak buckets – way too
heavy for her petite frame.
Something vaguely familiar about this child peaked Jacob’s
interest. He asked: “My darling, what
are you carrying that’s so very heavy?”
She spoke, in a soft, sweet voice that required intense
concentration. The angelic figure
replied “Your tears Daddy!”
Only after that dream did his heart begin to heal.
He was a survivor; strong enough to endure what is probably
life’s harshest blow. He’d faced his
grief and now with God’s grace, is coping with it, making that devastating loss
part of his own personal history, a part of his very being.
Eventually, time stopped standing still. Painful moments still occur - striking,
poignant, but in some ways comforting reminders of the child he’d lost.
One day he’d be surprised again by joy; happy but never AS
happy – an indelible measure of the depth and breadth of the bond between
parent and child.
Lord Jesus, losing a child suddenly is a
disruption in the natural order of life. We come to You now, because we know that You too
know the grief of watching Your child suffer.
Bring peace to any family who has lost their precious child in death. Amen.
