“Never criticize or condemn - or it will all come back on
you." ~ Luke 6:37
Mark had come to the coffee shop
for solitude, to escape everything and everyone. But now that he was here, even the coffee seemed
cold and he longed for some company.
Two young women were discussing the rash of celebrity
suicide deaths dominating the nightly news recently. Mark was drawn to their exchange.
“People commit suicide when they are too depressed, alone,
or stressed to carry on,” said one. To
which the other countered, “Just because someone’s sad beyond repair doesn’t
make it OK. It’s selfishness through
weakness.” They bounced remarks between
themselves like a rubber ball.
Mark’s heart started racing.
He felt nauseous and started to cry.
It reminded him of the suicide that ended his own father’s death when he
was 11 years old and the pain and isolation that lingers to this day. Painful emotions have run the spectrum from
shock to grief, to heartbreak, to rage (at both his Dad and himself), to
sorrow, and back to anger at how unfair it all was.
Isolation because the one person from whom he wanted answers
from was the same person he’d never see again.
One never gets the answer to the question: “Why?” That’s a lonely feeling.
Even today, Mark found it impossible to contemplate life
through the lens of depression. The
thought of suicide does seem selfish. Why
would someone leave the world prematurely, creating insurmountable sorrow,
all-encompassing guilt, and unanswerable questions for those you love?
He didn’t have an answer because he was generally a healthy
person. His Dad had not been.
His Dad suffered from depression. He knew he wasn’t well, yet he couldn’t fix
it and wasn’t able to contemplate a future without pain. His mental state felt permanent and therefore
a burden to those he loved. If you can’t
get better and contribute to the well-being of those he loved, why not release
them and yourself?
Through that lens, suicide felt like
a selfless, practical act.
Only he was wrong. Because
his Dad was sick. And so, for Mark, the
circular argument continued.
Mark will never truly know why his Dad felt death was better
than life, and more particularly, why it was better than a life with him. But what helps is the knowledge that this
illness, this plague - because that’s what it’s become in our society – is not
a rational choice made by people wishing to hurt us. Suicide is illogical. It’s indiscriminate. The emotions it provokes in us are irrational,
too.
Rather than blaming the victims of illness, we must hold
space for the struggle they endure. We
are too quick to shun what we don’t understand.
How would the conversation change if we chose compassion, or at least
non-judgment?
Father, help us to be mindful that it’s not our
place to judge others. You alone will
judge us as You see fit. Help us to
trust in Your almighty plan and the power of Your love to capture hearts and
transform people. Amen
