“Create pure thoughts in me Lord, and make me faithful
again." ~ Psalm 51:10
Aliyah’s anger boiled from deep
within; hot as Dragon Chili Peppers. It
hungered for destruction, forcing her to act in ways she couldn’t control, say
things she didn’t mean, and even express thoughts repressed for months.
God was the target of her angst tonight – due to the
suffering her tumor sparked, because He let her down when she needed Him most,
angry too that Jayden, her 11-year-old son, had a front-row seat to this
tragedy. When the electricity went off
on this already-sweltering August night, her heart readied to punch God if He ever come close again.
Hot flashes were one of the side effects of Aliyah’s cancer
treatments as her hormonal levels dropped.
That change affected the part of her brain that regulated body
temperature. Even under a light cotton
sheet, she radiated heat like a brick right out of the oven.
Jayden knew his Mom was sick. The tumor’s damage caused her to become often
exhausted and overheated. This sweet boy
also realized she shouldn’t have to do everything herself.
He rushed to her bedside with his battery-operated fan and
two ice packs. He put the fan at her
face, one ice pack on her legs and one on the back of her neck. He’d read somewhere that ice packs placed on
certain areas of her body would help keep her cool.
A child of rare compassion, he acted like a bird in flight,
making something nearly unbearable appear easy and natural. He instinctively knew she needed him there …
to stroke her hair, to whisper encouragement, to sense his undying love. With just his presence, Aliyah’s pain meds
worked better, her breathing relaxed, and her body temp cooled.
Jayden loved her so much.
He wanted her to be healthy and happy.
He checked on her many times that night, until he could no longer stay
awake.
But he never left her side.
And when the first hint of daylight broke the horizon, he
hugged her, delivering reassurance in his kindest voice, “It’s gonna be alright
Mom, God told me so in my dreams last night.”
Aliyah knew immediately that, despite all her struggles,
everything was as it was meant to be. His
presence had become flesh in the angelic presents gifted by a loving son.
There’s a difference between expressing our anger to
God and being angry at Him. He
can handle our fury; neither surprised by it nor afraid of it. He sees the BIG picture; we don’t.
God didn’t create evil, and He’s
not out to harm us. Whatever we’ve
experienced isn’t a personal attack from God, but either a result of evil of
the world, or a refining by Him to ultimately fortify us because He loves us.
Loving God, please help us when we face
overwhelming trials. Help us be able to
share with You what we’re feeling and release it to You. Remind us of Your Sovereignty and that one day
we’ll understand the mysteries that confuse us.
Amen
