“The Lord’s love never ends; His faithfulness begins anew every day." ~ Lamentations 3:22-3
Hugh woke as if there were an
emergency; as if sleeping had become too dangerous. He forgot to call their son William
yesterday.
Then, as the fog cleared from his brain, he remembered. William was gone.
It’d been almost a year since William lost his battle with
PTSD and taken his own life. He’d wanted
to serve his country. They were all so
proud and grateful when he returned home safe.
But the Marine that came back was not the same one that left. And for his Dad, today will pass as if
hungover, not from alcohol, but from the nightmares that demand solutions.
He seemed so lost, often
complaining that his head just didn’t seem to work. He tried so hard to focus, but it was like
running through molasses. His brain
fogged up; almost as if a natural anesthesia to numb the pain and clear away
the trauma. Triggers could include
sights, sounds, smells, or any thoughts that reminded him of fighting in the
war.
Oh, how they’d tried to convince William to get professional
help, but he refused. Hugh still felt
guilt and shame, that he should’ve somehow known what to do to save him. He wondered if his son died believing God
loved him? Was William at peace with
You, Lord?
Hugh got up and walked to the table they’d made into a small
memorial for William. It held items from
his funeral - Marine Corps mementos, medals and pictures of the brave men and women he’d served with.
He affectionately touched each item.
Then he noticed a small blue bible, one he’d sort of
forgotten about. William received it
from their church upon completing his Confirmation studies. Well-worn pages suggested it still held great
value to his son.
He picked it up and held it to his chest. A small piece of paper fell out and tumbled
to the floor. It was a note in William’s
handwriting, apparently written to himself.
“William,” it read, “never forget! God loves you very much, whether saint or sinner; soldier or preacher. No matter how
many times you sin, God’s mercy is never ending, and as many times as you ask
for forgiveness, He’ll give it to you every time, no matter what. He’s got your six!”
Hugh blinked away tears. At last, he knew his son was at peace.
