“Being ‘cool’ isn’t
about being popular; it’s about being grown up!”
I sell skateboards, snowboards, surf boards and whatever teenagers want in the realm of extreme sports. Every day I talk with kids of all ages and their parents.
What drives me crazy are the so-called "Cool" parents. The ones who, in an effort to be “cool” in
their kids’ eyes, host everything from alcohol to sex parties arguing that at
least someone’s supervising the
activity. With all that tempts teens
today, it doesn’t help to have a person of authority sending messages that it’s
OK to “experiment "as long as it’s “under their roof."
I hear parents tell me they consumed pot or alcohol as teens
and would hate to be hypocrites; they don't want to send "mixed
signals."
Guess what - you sent mixed signals. You’re basically telling your child that you
expect them to screw up a little too. Don’t
look surprised when the police call you at 3 a.m.
As I tell my kids here at the shop whenever this comes up,
"Alcohol’s going to occur naturally in your body from the starches and
sugars you eat. That's why you have a
liver. It's up to you as an adult to
decide if you’re going to abuse it by getting drunk. But there’s no organ for processing the
chemicals in drugs or cigarettes."
Long term health quality is too far off to be important to most
teens. So opening the door a little for
decisions that they’re not prepared to understand is tantamount to swinging it
wide open.
I know your kids. I
hang out and skate with them. They
sometimes try and get me to buy them beer or bail them out of trouble. They try to get me to help them hide things
from you. I don’t! And
it’s not your job to be your kid’s best friend either.
It's your job to prepare them for adulthood and for this you
must set the example. Don't be jealous
when they idolize someone else's parent. That person doesn’t keep your child from
killing herself or pay his hospital bills.
Your kids will test the waters, but if they fear your disappointment as
young adults, they’ll be less likely to venture into deeper waters.
You may not get it right every time and you may have to adjust
the rules along the way. But it's also
okay to admit mistakes and learn from your experiences.
Good luck, and don't rat me out to your kids, I don't want
to lose my ‘Street Cred.’
Lord, help me to be a REAL parent: one who
takes my own behavior more seriously than my child’s; one who no matter what
the disaster may be, realizes that remaining calm and connected offers the
greatest potential for positive outcomes; one who fulfills my own need for
acceptance through healthy mature relationships instead of relying on children
for that need. Amen
