The Compliment Influence

“Strength is for service, not status.  Look after the good of those around you." ~ Romans 15:12

It’s not easy being cheerful in a cold, hard world.  It hurts when others criticize our looks or behavior.  Harsh words and negative comments can lead to depression and a loss of self-esteem. But Jordan planned to fight this negativity.  In a city famous for its cranky neighbors and rude citizens, she randomly complimented 10 different people every day.

Her strategy was both authentic and purposeful - compliments are the easiest way to make other people feel noticed.  When a kind thought comes to mind, most people keep it to themselves.  But to Jordan, the power of flattery was unstoppable.  Something as simple as an act of approval could impact someone immeasurably.

Today, when taking an Uber, she complimented the driver, “Despite the traffic, I admire the way you remain so calm!”  When she passed the garbage collector, she praised his effort, “Thank you for working so hard!”  When riding up in her building’s elevator, she admired a woman’s baby, “What a cutie, she seems so comfortable in your arms.”

Gracefully accepting a compliment is an almost universal challenge.  Rather than humbly accepting unsolicited praise, some will smile awkwardly, others often attempt to deflect or dilute the compliment. 

Number 10 came that night.  When leaving a grocery store, Jordan spotted a young woman casually dressed in a very smart outfit.  She seemed a bit lost in her thoughts, almost missing Jordan’s kind words. 

“I’m sorry,” she said.  “Were you speaking to me?” 

“I was," Jordan replied.  “How did you come up with such an amazing outfit?  Those colors look great on you; the hat’s perfect!"

A smiled gushed as wide as her face.  The young woman beamed, "Oh, thank you!  I recently broke up with my boyfriend and was praying for a sign on whether I should stay in this neighborhood or move to an area closer to my Mom.  When you mentioned my favorite fedora, I got my answer."

Jordan would never know for sure of her final decision to stay or leave.  Their friendly exchange was exactly what the woman needed at exactly the right time.  Mentioning her hat was the key.  Had it not been specific, the experience and outcome, may’ve been different.

Jordan had underrated compliments her entire life.  But moments like these reinforced their value to others and echoed how easily given they can be given. 

Open your eyes, look around and become aware of others.  Try to notice how people look, what they do and how they act.  The opportunities are boundless.  They bring smiles to people’s faces and brighten their lives temporarily.  

So, don’t be shy.  Be authentic and specific, not hyperbolic: "Keep It Sincere and Specific."

Dear Lord, help me demonstrate Your great love and grace to all those that cross my path today.  Let my heart be fluent in kindness; abundant with compassion, and rife with tolerance.  Amen

Hope's Dream

 “Through love make it your habit to humbly serve one another." ~ Galatians 5:13

Like most 12-year-old girls in 2003, Hope was looking forward to a summer at the pool, trips to the mall and her family’s annual vacation.  She was starting to realize that boys weren’t nearly so icky and dreamed of someday being famous.

The persistent knee pain from a biking accident changed all that.  Tests revealed osteosarcoma, a common form of bone cancer found in teenagers.

Rather than the summer of fun she’d wished for, Hope began painful chemo treatments.  As the Autumn leaves turned amber and scarlet, she felt more optimistic than ever.  Though there were times she screamed in agony, Hope never lost faith and dreamed of beating cancer.

Unfortunately, the treatments did little to quell the disease from spreading.  As the winds of November swirled in, Hope was thin, pale and mostly confined to a wheelchair.

When Make-A-Wish volunteers visited her home, they told Hope she could have anything she wanted. The wish could be anything from a Disney trip to time with her favorite Boy Band. 

Most kids pick the trip to Disney.  Hope Stout was not like most kids.

Around her shoulders she wore a prayer shawl; worn as a cape might be, as if those comfy memories gave her superpowers.  She considered the gift carefully before answering: “You say there are 155 kids on the waiting list?  Well then, my wish is to grant their every single wish, and to do it just as soon as possible.”

It was a herculean task!  They estimated needing to raise more than $1 million in thirty days.  Never discouraged, Hope lit the fire that inspired caring people to launch an unprecedented fundraising campaign.

Local media shared the story of this caring young soul who touched the hearts of so many.  Word spread, committees formed, schools, corporations and various organizations raised money to help bring Hope’s dream to fruition.

While fighting for her own life, the biggest concern on the feisty red head's mind was for the other ill kids around her, especially the ones that didn’t have a parent to stay with them while they were sick in the hospital.  She encouraged her own parents to be their surrogates when needed.

She played the cards dealt her like a pro.  Unfortunately, she passed away in early January 2004, surrounded by her family and her precious kitties. 

Donations continued pouring in.  Children brought in the contents of their piggy banks; girls donated their babysitting money; a homeless man walked into the MAW offices and gave what little he had.

Two weeks later, a Celebration of Hope gala attended by over 1,000 people revealed to the stunned crowd that $1,116,000 had been raised.  All of the kids would have their wish granted.

Hope’s Wish had been fulfilled.

Generous Lord, mold me into a better person daily, as You walk beside me through life’s journey.  Shape me into who I am meant to be.  Allow my accomplishments to make me wise and not boastful or arrogant.  Amen

Pen to Paper

 “Those who give of their time and compassion will be blessed." ~ Proverbs 11:25

Grief punched Devon hard last year.  He watched his daughter battle bone cancer, his father passed away after a debilitating illness and his faithful dog of 16 years crossed the rainbow bridge. 

Grief takes time; it can’t be rushed.  He just had to work through the pain.

Friends were kind and supportive, sending frequent texts and emails to console him.  But it was the handwritten letters he received that truly moved him.

His sister-in-law sent a touching article about how the loss of our pets leaves a profound effect on us.  She talked of her own heartbreak when she had to put her cat to sleep.  Her letter, both thoughtful and empathetic, confirmed a deep understanding of what Devon experienced with the death of his K-9 companion.

The second came from a church friend; a gracious and generous woman.  Devon admired her because no matter what was going on in her life, she continually elevated others with her gift of time and caring. 

The shortest letter came from one of his students – a young boy with autism.  Communication of any form was difficult for the boy, so his brief note was especially poignant.  Its two-sentence note must have taken considerable time to compose as he considered each word.  It was one of the most inspiring messages he’d ever read.

A well-written letter is priceless.  Devon preserved the writer’s words in a special box; pulling them out when he needed to visit with the person whose words graced that page.

He’d saved dozens of them: a letter from his Dad sent during his first months at college still brought rushes of nostalgia; one from his Mom in a lovely, looping script as familiar as the contours of her face; a letter from his 6th grade girlfriend.  He decided to write a letter to a few people who’d given him the extra love and reassurance he’d needed to get through the hard times.  

With pen in hand, Devon was suddenly transported back in time to elementary school as a child learning to write in cursive all over again - focusing on the shape of letters, making sure that i’s were dotted and t’s were crossed.  

He relaxed when connecting letters to create the words needed to express thoughts; amazed at how much longer it took to w-r-i-t-e out each word than if he'd texted them in abbreviated code sans punctuation.

Which got him thinking: “If people had to hand write all their emotional, dramatic, political posts, would there be as many of them?  Or would we just sign and scroll past because it wouldn’t be worth the effort to respond by pen and paper?”

When was the last time you sent a hand-written letter to a friend or loved one?  How about today?

Heavenly Father, in today's crazy times, it’s easy to become detached from our capacity as humans to be kind and thoughtful.  Teach me to be more generous with my time, more fluent in kindness; and more like You.  Amen

The Dad of Last Resort

“Whatever you do for the most vulnerable – you do for Me.” ~ Mark 25:40

The day before Mohamed Bzeek turned 62, the stocky man with a soft voice and warm heart admitted himself into a hospital for colon cancer treatment.  Petrified at having to face the challenge alone, it served as a powerful reminder of the fear his own kids face.

The oldest of 10 children, Bzeek left his home country of Libya to study in the United States in 1978.  A decade later, he met and married Dawn, an amazing one-of-a-kind woman who’d opened her home as an emergency shelter for kids needing urgent placement. 

By 1995, the couple was fostering seriously disabled and dying children exclusively, wanting to give them the family surroundings not offered at a hospital or institution.  Most were abandoned at birth.  Dozens of nameless kids; many with little time left to experience love, hope and laughter. 

Bzeek, 62, has already buried 11 of those foster children, in addition to his wife who died in 2014 of lung cancer.  Without her, the widower could only handle two kids.

His only biological son, Adam, bears the challenges of Brittle Bone Disease; one so debilitating that even changing his socks can shatter bones.  Nonambulatory from birth, he ‘surfs’ aboard an ironing board attached to a pair of roller-skate wheels.

He began fostering Samantha when she was 6 weeks old.  A rare brain defect left her blind, deaf and prone to constant seizures.  Doctors said that she’d only live for a few months.  

For the past three years, he works with a nurse who comes everyday so he can take small breaks, run errands and pray at his mosque.  His last full day off was in 2010, when he visited Libya for only the second time since leaving his homeland.  Inspired by his humanity, Bzeek’s family in Libya also created an organization to shelter over 600 Libyan orphans.

The devout Muslim remained anonymous until an LA Times story in 2017 thrust him into a blitz of global media attention.  He did interviews with Al Jazeera, Telemundo, and British TV.  Within 3 days of the story’s publication, a fellow Californian opened a GoFundMe account on his behalf, eventually raising nearly $800,000.  The money was used for mobility renovations, air conditioning, a wheelchair accessible van, and a college fund for Adam. 

He set the rest aside for a second nurse if one becomes necessary.  Nothing for himself.

Due to Mohamed's compassionate devotion, Samantha lived to be almost 9 years old, passing away 2 days short of her ninth birthday in late 2020. 

He never dwells on why he chose to do what he does.  When pressed he explains, “My faith demands it.  Its obligatory!  If I can help somebody, I have to help them!”

Bless you my brother in Christ.

Father God, help me live out a faith that’s bold enough to enter the hardest places. Bless those children who are the most vulnerable of all.  Protect them from poverty, illness, and abandonment.  Lift them from evils like child labor, trafficking, and exploitation.  Amen

You've Got a Friend (in Me)

 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." ~ Proverbs 27:17

It’s hard to explain Autism.  Some say it’s a lack of emotions. 

Eddie, for example, a non-verbal 7-year-old within the autism spectrum, never cries.  That’s because he cries differently.  His tears become actions instead.  He channels his love into helping in that wonderfully obsessive way of his.  

He'd protect anyone, help anyone, because his heart hears the hearts of everyone - not the mask or self-deception, but the real self.  That's real love!

Mick, an Irish ‘busker’ (street performer), had been a fixture for the last 10 years bringing smiles and joy to the community on Dublin’s streets, trams, and other public places.  He made friends with strangers easily by sharing wins and struggles through his music.  And in doing so, reminding them that they’re not alone.

Fate brought the two of them together several winter’s ago on the city’s light-rail system.

Sensing the boy’s discomfort on the crowded tram, Mick did what he does so naturally.  Facing directly across from Eddie on the train, he began strumming his guitar to a beloved tune he hoped the boy would recognize.

Mick didn’t have to wait long.  Eddie could hardly contain his delight, laughing at Mick’s spirited rendition of Randy Newman’s classic "You’ve Got a Friend in Me," better known as the soundtrack from Disney's Toy Story.

Even though he couldn’t express himself verbally, Eddie’s joy was obvious from his giggling while he listened.  It was said to have raised the car’s otherwise chilly climate to that of a blissful summer’s afternoon.  A perfect way to show why sweet harmony has the ability to warm people’s hearts and why music is considered the "the universal language.”

The video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GESandLcjTs  quickly went viral.  It was filmed before face masks were required, so you can see the boy's wonderful reaction to the song.  The two soon became regular fixtures for Dubliner’s using the tram system regularly.  The song is perfect for two friends reuniting who haven't seen each other in a while:

“You got troubles; I've got 'em too

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you

We stick together and see it through

'Cause you've got a friend in me!”

Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, offers counsel in Proverbs 17:27 on the subject of friendship.  He explained that if we want friends, we must be friendly and reach out to others.

But reaching out involves risk.  Perhaps you think, “What if they don’t like me?”  Because we’re often afraid of rejection, many of us are unwilling to reach out to others.  We take a safer path and wait for others to befriend us.  But if we want friends, we’ve got to move beyond that.  It’s our responsibility to make friends.

Heavenly Father help our children find true friends; reliable friends who will treat them like family.  Also help them be true friends who love and respect all races, cultures and incomes. May they always be there for their friends in times of need.  Amen

Boppin' Thru the Years

 “True love never dies, never loses faith, and endures through every situation." ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

She was 16.  He was 18; working in Detroit pumping gas when she and a girlfriend walked by.  He couldn't keep his eyes off of her – so much so that his shoes were soon filling with gasoline while servicing a local customer.  And with that chance encounter, a promising romance might‘ve fizzled like a play opening and closing on the same night.

Arlene was long gone by the time Richard rinsed off the putrid petrol.  But he vowed to keep his eyes open just in case she came back.

A week later, Arlene strolled by again (“deliberately” she later admitted), and he chased her down - asking her out to the Dairy Queen.  Over chocolate-dipped cones, he asked “Do you dance?  “Because if we’re gonna date, we'll be dancing.”  Soon the two were inseparable - weekend regulars in Detroit’s warehouse district jazz clubs.

And they've been dancing together ever since.

After breaking up for just a very brief period (Arlene wanted to be married before she was 19 - Richard wanted to finish college first) the couple got engaged.   Years later, they’d raise three sons while enjoying successful careers – he an engineer, she a real estate agent.

Dancing together remained their passion - as spontaneous and soul-quenching as laughter.  The sight of the dance floor always brought them a quiver of joy.  When their souls began to dance, in all the ways that could ever matter, true love rekindled.

After 30 years blissfully together, they moved to Honolulu.  Alzheimer's had been a part of her family history, so its possibility was all too real.  They overcame Richard's throat cancer and the death of their oldest son from pancreatic cancer, before the tragedy of her Alzheimer's disease hit.   

Still, Saturday evenings belonged to the veranda in the Grand Lobby of Hawaii’s Kahala Hotel. When jazz pianist and singer David Swanson began his set, they were the first (and sometimes the only) couple up on the dance floor.  The headliner always played Ed Sheerhan's "Thinking Out Loud" and John Legend's "All of Me," for the special couple.  Kindness is what Hawaii [and the Aloha spirit] is all about.

Even in his moments of frustration, Richard still finds things that he's grateful for.  “We’ve found a new normal after Alzheimer's.  No matter what changes, our love … and dancing, remains.  It’s always been our heaven on Earth, moments of happiness that lifted us up and showed us that we were more than a match for gravity.  Now it helps to heal and reminds me of our old life together.”

“Almighty Father, I’m losing my beloved Arlene to this devastating disease.  It makes us both sad.  Help me recognize the joy in the present moment with her each day; to overcome the sadness that sometimes prevails, and to know that You are ever present with us on our journey.  Amen” ~ Richard