“Jesus said, You shall forgive them not seven, but
seventy-seven times." ~ Matthew 18: 22
Jack stared down at his
prose. As suicide notes go, it wasn’t
bad. He’d chosen his words purposely;
careful so as not to be weepy and drawn-out.
Instead, he preferred something short but sweet; words loving and durable.
“To Anyone (who cares):
I don’t quite know what to say, I’ve never written a suicide note. I never had to. I guess I have to now . . . anyway, I’m
sorry! I don’t mean for this to hurt
anyone, I’m just tired. Tired of loneliness,
tired of crying, tired of faking it – I’m just tired of living.
Brandon and Gabby: I’m going to
miss you the most. I could’ve been a
better older brother, but I wasn’t. You
both drove me crazy sometimes. I wish I
would have listened to you and treated you better. Be nicer to each other now that I’m gone.
Friends: I love you all dearly; you were like the family I didn’t
have. We had our ups and downs but I
tried to always be there for you. I’m
sorry I can’t help anymore.
Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried hard to fight this battle. I reached out for help so many times, and yet
I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did. That’s a punishment I deserve and am willing
to accept. I know that being who I am
has only brought myself and others great pain.
I love you all and will forever treasure the memories we created.
Good-bye.”
He glanced at the note again, as tears poured down his
cheeks. The paper is wrinkled; its folds
are deep. His handwriting is illegible
in some parts but that doesn’t matter.
He committed every word to memory years ago.
Today, on his 76th birthday and for the 61st
time, he reread the suicide note he’d written as a teenager. Had it not been for a close friend who
happened to stop by randomly at the perfect time, he probably would have gone
through with it and ended his life.
So today he celebrated the anniversary of the day he wrote
that letter, to remind himself of everything he would have missed. He got a do-over; a second chance at life.
Almighty God, You’ve given us second, third,
and sometimes even fiftieth chances.
Help us to put these priceless opportunities to good use and to be truly
repentant so that we might learn from our mistakes. Amen
