“Admit your wrongdoing to one another before your Father will forgive you." ~ James 5-16
Forty years ago, 12-year-old Mary
Kellerman woke up feeling sick. Her
parents gave her one Extra-Strength Tylenol and sent her back to bed. Hours later, she died on the bathroom floor.
Within days, Mary and six others would die in the Chicago
area from taking Tylenol pills that’d been laced with cyanide. Publicity about the poisoned capsules instantly
caused a nationwide panic.
Without a suspect to condemn (no
one was ever caught), public outrage could’ve fallen squarely on Tylenol — the
nation’s leading painkiller, with a market share more than the next top 4 painkillers
combined. Despite what seemed like a
death sentence for the brand, Johnson & Johnson acted decisively as the
terror unfolded.
J&J’s CEO promptly acknowledged the problem. He accepted responsibility. He expressed grave concern. And he put his money where his mouth was.
Cynics contend that this was nothing
more than a marketing stroke of genius.
But there are some important takeaways about the essence of an effective
apology.
Apologizing starts with admitting you’re wrong. “I’m sorry” carries a lot of weight but only when
it’s genuine. Saying it requires
vulnerability to confess responsibility for the hurt that’s been inflicted and
genuine regret for one’s role to everyone affected.
But an apology is only valid it you take accountability for fixing
it. J&J did not tamper with the
Tylenol or administer the cyanide that killed 7 people. Yet they did not try and avoid responsibility
for what happened. The company took
aggressive action by introducing a safer, better, more trustworthy product.
A good apology is first and foremost about the victim. Using words like ‘if, but or maybe’ negates
the confession, shifts the blame, and attempts to minimize guilt. Similarly, there are those who are experts at
identifying their mistake, and apologize easily as if they knew exactly what
they were doing and were prepared to apologize if they got caught.
A written plan detailing the changes you plan to make shows that
you take the matter seriously and are willing to spend substantial time
planning how to change. Asking forgiveness
signals that you’ve completed the apology.
Then give it time ... especially if the hurt is deep.
Making an apology is an art. Christ offers the greatest example of
forgiveness. However, He doesn’t forgive
unconditionally. If we don’t mend our
ways, we’re not reconciled to Him and do not have His forgiveness.
